I’ve started this a hundred times. Something that would make it all make sense. Something that would make it all hurt a little less. Something that would put my heart back in my chest. Something ……. But, if I’m honest, there is nothing I could write that would do any of that. You’re gone. I’m alone. Our children lost their father. The world lost the most amazing man I’ve ever known! And to make it all worse…..the world kept turning. That, in my heart, just doesn’t make sense. I’ve lost many people. Both my parents, a child, but losing you, the love of my life has knocked me to me knees. Sometimes, I think it’s just a horrible nightmare and I’m going to wake up and you’re there, holding me, telling me it’s all okay. But, then reality kicks me in the gut and I know you are really gone. That is just not right. How? How could this have happened? How could the most vibrant, full of life, healthiest person I know be gone? How? How can the sun rise without his smile? How can the clock tick without the beating of his heart? How can the sun set without the warm glow of his smile? How? But, in the stillness of it all, I see him. He always saw every day as an opportunity. Every day was a chance. A chance to make a difference, to meet somebody new, to put a smile on somebody’s face. Who knew the possibilities. But that’s what he loved. He loved life. That’s the whole unholy mess of it all that makes no sense no matter how many times I roll this all through my head. So, somehow, without him, I’ve got to figure out how to keep loving life. I know there’s all sorts of books to help me cope. All sorts of support groups that tell me I’ll get through this. But, to be honest, when it first happened I didn’t think it was possible. There’s no way my heart could’ve kept on beating without him here. But, it has. And I really think it’s because of him. He loved me so much. Anybody who knows him knew that. Lord knows I knew. And that is what’s keeping me going. I still get so sad I don’t think I’ll ever get past it and then, I’ll think of him, that smile and laugh, and this warm glow comes over me and I know I’ll be ok. The sun will keep rising, the clock will keep ticking and the sun will keep setting. I’ll always miss him and I’ll love him until my dying day but, because he loved me I’ll make it.

May 24, 2019May 24, 2019 Holly KiehnUncategorizedLeave a comment 1843 views