Jamaica 2014- ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Ah! Off to Jamaica. Warm sun, sandy beaches, amazing sunsets and living the dream our father worked years for and always wanted for us. What could be better?
Well, this year we’re trying a new place, Bluefield Villas. Our usual place, Moondance has closed for the season because it didn’t have enough bookings. What?!?!?!? No Robert, no Paul! No Margaritaville just a few steps down the beach? Will our parrot head brother make it without Jimmy Buffet playing in the distance? Will we survive? Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Our flight left………….on time! Yes, I know, don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. Paul and I tearfully told our checked bag goodbye as it went down the conveyor belt. On its way to………… hopefully Montego Bay, Jamaica, but with our luck? Who the hell knows!
Boarded the plane without any problems. Had a little wait on the Tarmac. Apparently, there is some heavy traffic down on the gulf. Everyone is trying to get the hell away from all this cold weather and put their toes in the sand! We feel that sense of excitement and anticipation as we take off. Will this airplane have enough liquor for our liquid imbibing group? Hell no! First of all, it took forever for them to start serving cocktails! Even Kitty was in her seat asking, “are they bringing the vodka?.”
As we watch the stewardess head our way, our mouths start to drool in ecstasy of that first taste! Oops. Just remembered it’s politically incorrect to call them stewardesses. Well, excuse…me! Where was I? Oh, yeah, Back to the vodka. Finally, it’s our turn, and Paul orders six (6) Bloody Mary’s. I really should’ve taken a picture of the FA’s (flight attendant’s) face. Apparently she thought Paul was going to get ‘a little crazy’. She anxiously looks for the closest Air Marshal. We explain it’s for our group and the color comes back to her face. Ahhhhh! We have our traditional Bloody Mary to begin our trip. Now, this is just ONE for each of us. Of course, I run out of vodka too fast and I sweetly ask my hubby to find more. He strolls down the aisle and the moment of truth is upon us. Will this plane have enough? Of course……………
NOT! What the hell is with these airlines? Don’t they realize as they look at the passenger list that there will be an extreme need for extra? I keep hoping that someday they will learn. Well, Paul brings back two cans of Bloody Mary mix that the six (6)of us have to share! At this time I hear Kitty admit to the people in the row behind her, “I am a wino, you know”. Apparently, she’s planning on crossing the grapeline. She’s always a little chatty when she drinks. Ok, I’ve had two little bottles of vodka, watched a little airplane TV and everything seems to be right with the world. I’m with my favorite people and heading to Jamaica. What could go wrong?
I spoke too soon and, the gods were angry! We get off the airplane and follow the rest of the herd towards customs and………sunshine, sandy beaches and Red Stripe!
Nope. As we turn the corner, it’s a sea of bodies! Everywhere! Lines and lines following the roped off paths! Let me make sure you understand. Have you ever, just for the hell of it, ridden in a cattle truck and then been pushed through all the pens, looking toward the light. Seeking freedom from this mass of bovine sweat and suffered the tortures of no Red Stripe? No alcoholic beverage at all? If you know our group, you know what inhumane treatment this is.
We finally get to the customs agent and try to look like the kind of tourists they want on their pretty little island. Let’s just say he gave us more than a few looks.
Finally, freedom! We get closer to that heavenly light. That warmth that only Jamaican sun, sand and alcohol can give. We head towards the carousels that hold our luggage.
Now at this time I must remind all of you of the Sicily incident. Not pretty. No luggage. No clean underwear! Not pleasant.
But, the gods were kind to Paul and Holly. But, they bit Peggy and Mark in the ass. No bag! Now everybody say “Awwww”! Teehee. They wander over to the lost luggage counter to report this atrocity and the beautiful Jamaican princess tells them, ‘yes, we know your bag isn’t here’. ‘It never left DFW’. Now personally, I’ve never heard of luggage that didn’t want to go to Jamaica, but what do I know? They assure them that the luggage would arrive tomorrow. “Don’t worry. Be happy”. We wander out of the terminal in search of our driver, Nicholas. A wonderful young man. We pile in to the van in search of Red Stripe and fruity beverages. Ahhhhh. Now, I don’t recommend the rum punch unless your planning on stripping the paint off of your dinghy, but the Red Stripe was marvelous! We explain to Nicholas our problem of no luggage and he assures us, all is well. DWBH! We stop for bathing suits for Peggy and Mark and by this time…….we need more Red Stripe! Randy and Paul head to a store while the others are shopping. When we tell Nicholas that we need more beer, a little light seems to go on. These Americans are drunks! Well, yes. If you haven’t figured that out by this point, you haven’t been paying attention!
After, what I will call a rough ride, we arrive at a small roadside place to get Jerk Chicken! Amazing! Ate wayyyyyyyyy toooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhh!
We arrive at our new villa. Now, it’s sunset when we arrive, perfect timing. The gods are happy! They greet us with champagne and show us this beautiful villa. It’s breathtaking. The view is to die for! Up, just a little, from the water. Beautiful cove, and the water is glowing with the colors from the sunset. We pick our rooms and start to settle in. We sit out on the patio, admiring the view and warmth. The sounds of the frogs and the water lapping against the rocks. Now, this is life! Then, they tell us, “dinner will be ready shortly”. WHAT?!?!? Oh, crap! I knew we shouldn’t have eaten that third chicken! Or, that second pig! We can’t let them think we don’t like the cooking! Oh my god! I think I’m going to die! It was great, but……….OMG!
We all pass out by 9. What can I say? Long freaking day! Even by cow standards!
The room is amazing. The bed is very comfortable. Of course, at this point, I would’ve slept on the beach. But, we made it. Our journey has officially begun! It can only get better from here on! Right?

Don’t worry, be happy!